This is the third and last part of An Affair in Three Voices: Geena’s Story (to read the previous two click on the right under “recent posts”)
“I grew up knowing two things about myself: I was fat, and I was smart.
… Not a great combination. My parents were overweight; they loved to eat, and I started following in their footsteps.
Anyway, regardless of my weight, I did get noticed because of my academic achievements. So, in general, I wasn’t very popular, making it hard to know whether kids really liked me, or just wanted to copy my homework.
I wasn’t destined to marry someone as good-looking as Jim, but in our senior year I helped him with a school project. When the final chapter was done, I produced a bottle of wine to celebrate – and, being drunk, he had sex with me. He regretted it the next morning and apologized profusely. I didn’t mind at all, since my experience with sex was limited to only a few unattractive guys.
Surprise … I got pregnant !!!
Jim and I were married a couple of months later and- even though I was besotted with him, it was clear from the get-go that I was so much more intelligent than he was; and he was so much more attractive than me.
So, to counter off my insecurity about my weight, I used my intelligence to make him feel inferior. Predictably, we didn’t have a good marriage, but I gave birth to another boy, and believed we’d maintain a type of coexistence.
When John and Barbara moved here, I was overcome with fears because Barbara was so sexy! It made me crazy to think that Jim would be looking at her every day. Ironically, Barbara turned out to be the soul of kindness, and it was hard to hate her as much as I did other attractive women.
Still, I focused my insecurity on Barbara (or Barbie, as we all called her, because she looked like a Barbie Doll), and it never occurred to me calamity might come from a different direction.
So, I was shocked and devastated when Jim came home and announced he was leaving me; he was already in the midst of a passionate affair with a co-worker, and it had nothing to do with ‘Barbie’! He was resolute in his decision and my requests for couple counseling and my promises to lose weight fell on deaf ears!
I felt doomed to loneliness because of my weight and ashamed of being the rejected wife. So, when Jim left I stopped eating. Initially I couldn’t eat because of my anguish, but later on I was determined not to be fat again! I became as focused on my weight as I was with academic performance during my high school years.
In other words, I was obsessed!
I got a lot of support from John and Barbie while I was trying to put my life back together. But, I was almost insulted by how readily she would encourage him to come and help me – like I wasn’t to be taken seriously as a source of potential competition since I used to look like a whale! She didn’t even notice my transformation!
It turned out Barbie started school and was always studying, and I was constantly exercising and dieting. What a funny turn of events.
At Barbie’s prompting, John came over almost every day to help out, and he took over the boys baseball practice. Oh, how I wanted him to want me! I desperately wanted to feel a man desiring me – even if it was still hard to fathom that.
When I lost 60 lbs. I got a complete makeover, and I couldn’t believe the result. With my hair dyed blond, styled in a shag, new sexy cloths and new makeup, I looked like a different person. John started to notice, and started to give me compliments which I could not get enough of.
I started to plot having an affair with him, despite Barbie’s friendship. It seemed sometimes like she only wanted to “get rid of him” and study. I can assure you that I would never urge my husband to spend so much time with another woman. She was obviously too secure, too blind, or too stupid. Or, she did not want to be that intimate with him. I, on the other hand, could not stop dreaming about it.
I seduced him with the simple ploy of the “Damsel in Distress” and we started having a passionate love affair. Ok, I was in love and he was in lust. From time to time he wanted to break it off, and from time to time I would create other temptations. My resentment towards Barbie grew and the fact that she seemed so sweet to me infuriated me. She still perceived me as Fat Geena, and she didn’t care about her husband. However, I wasn’t fat anymore and her husband was making love to me.
Then came the day that John decided to seriously break it off.
I was more enraged than heartbroken. I promised myself I would never allow any man to reject me again. I would make sure to accomplish it by finding a man who would fall in love with me this time.
I devoted myself to this goal as ferociously as I did dieting. I found a wonderful man who fell head over heels in love with me, and I would share stories about him with John and Barbie, hoping (unsuccessfully) to make John jealous. Finally, I moved to his house and didn’t see either of them for many years.
The other day I saw them at a party. He still looked pretty good, but she’s gained weight.
I haven’t gained a pound.”