I really did not like the movie. It was not even funny, and was way too predictable. Nevertheless, the message was sooo true; a message that I deal with almost weekly with clients, friends, and even (many years ago, halleluiah) myself.
“He texted me that he was busy and did not have time to call me, but I saw him online yesterday so he obviously has some free time”, said my client. “Do you think I should call him?” “NO!” I scream inside, but proceed to analyze the pros and the cons of calling the (obviously) disinterested new object of desire.
So between -“Maybe his internet service is down” and “Maybe he had to work overtime”, to “Maybe she is afraid of being hurt and I should call her ” and “Maybe I did not make it clear that I’m interested (Yes, you did)” – the plethora of rationalizing and illogical excuses goes on and on. And I know that it will continue just like that forever. I know that human nature is such that it resists saying “He’s just not that into me.”
And since there are billions of us here, why does it matter that one person, who you barely know, is not interested in you? What makes him so important? Does he look like Johnny Depp and has the IQ of Einstein and has the kindness of the Dalai Lama? If he does, I stand corrected. But, if he is just one of us mortals walking this earth for the time being, can you please just move on? There are so many more where he came from! Please believe me, there is more than one person in this world who is worthy of your obsession.
Infatuation – Nature’s Mousetrap
And yet, when we get hooked, the addiction runs rampant in our brain and takes over. So overpowering it is, that it produced – and will continue to produce, millions of love songs, millions of poems, millions of pieces of art; and tears of pain and joy.
While we are weeping, or in ecstasy, our infatuated brains show an increased concentration of norepinephrine and dopamine, which duplicate the state of drug addiction. I imagine that these brain functions were designed to promote mating, but they are also responsible for impulsiveness, obsessions and blindness. As Brian P. Clearly says, “Not only is love blind, it’s hard of hearing” (Ref: You Oughta Know By Now, 2010).
Years later, if we have a chance to talk to our friends, to ourselves, or to the same client and reminisce about their infatuation back then, “Remember how madly in love you were?” they would often respond with disbelief, followed by: “I just can’t believe that I was so in love. It so happened that I ran into him the other day and I don’t even know what the fuss was about!”
How true! And yet, there was no power in the world [literally!] that could have convinced us otherwise …